HOW DOES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AFFECT CHILDREN?

Children who witness battering of their mother have “greater developmental delays and behavioural dysfunction,”

Directly
The children, too, may be physically, emotionally, verbally, or sexually abused and /or neglected.

Indirectly
Their self-esteem, self-worth, and ability to trust are affected by the lack of predictability in the home, which may manifest in some or all of the following ways:

• Violence may erupt at time;
• Tension in the air that is not understood or explained and may actually feel worse than the explosion;
• Child may accept blame for parents' conflict;
• Child may walk in fear of a fight erupting at home;
• Meals, adequate clothing, lunch for school regularly forgotten or ignored;
• Children may be asked to take sides during battles;
• Children may have to ‘protect' siblings during violence;
• Children have to listen to insults, watch physical violence.

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Children from violent homes learn to believe that:

• It's acceptable for men to hit women;
• Violence is the way to get what you want;
• Big people have power they misuse;
• Men are bullies who push women and children around;
• Expression of feelings signifies weakness;
• Don't talk about violence;
• Don't trust; and
• Don't feel.

Effects On Children

0 – 5 YEARS

• Physical complaints,
• Sleep disturbances,
• Bed wetting,
• Excessive separation anxiety,
• Failure to thrive.

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6 – 12 YEARS

• Behave in ways to reduce tension,
• Attempt to control parental violence,
• Fear being abandoned,
• Fear being killed or fear of themselves killing,
• Fear their own anger and other's anger,
• Eating disturbances,
• Insecure and distrustful of their environment.

13YEARS

• Alcohol and drug abuse,
• Running away,
• Early pregnancy and marriage,
• Suicidal thought and actions,
• Homicidal thoughts and actions,
• Criminal activities.

WHO BATTERS?
Batterers come from all social and economic backgrounds; races; religions and other walks of life. The abuser may or may not abuse alcohol or drugs. Batterers represent all the personalities, family background and professions. Most of the perpetrators of domestic violence are men. Women too can be violent towards their partners, children and other people. However, statistics from all over the world, including Ghana, show that the overwhelming majority of victims in domestic violence cases (over 90%) are women.

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Signs to look out for in a Battering Personality

• Jealousy,
• Controlling behaviour,
• Quick involvement,
• Unrealistic expectations,
• Isolation,
• Blames others for problems,
• Blames other for feelings,
• Hypersensitivity,
• Cruelty to animal or children,
• Playful” use of force in sex,
• Verbal abuse,
• Rigid sex roles,
• Sudden mood changes,
• Past battering,
• Threats of violence,
• Breaking or striking objects,
• Any force during an argument.

Why are perpetrators of domestic violence usually men?
Battering is the expression of the belief of male dominance over women. To understand why men choose to batter, it is importance to look at what they get out of using violence. Men use physical force to maintain power and control over their relationships with their female partners. They have learned that violence ‘works' to achieve this end.

Many batterers grew up in homes where they or a sibling were physically abused or where their father abused their mother. In one batterer's programmes in the United States of America, 70% of participants were raised in violent homes.

Can batterers change their behaviour?
Abusers are capable of personal transformation, and many of them will make extensive change if certain conditions exist. First, a community that establishes and enforces consequences for continued acts of abuse must hold the abuser fully accountable for his use of violence. Second, he must have an environment that is non-violent, non-judgmental, and respectful of women and children in which to start making those changes. And finally he must be willing to work through a long process during which he is painfully honest with himself and becomes accountable to the woman he has harmed.

Cultural Reinforcement For Battering
Most batterers are informed by cultural messages justifying dominance and vigorously defend their beliefs as absolute truths with slogans such as 'God made man first, which means he is supposed to rule woman,' and 'It is my responsibility as a husband and father to discipline my wife and children.'

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